Umoja (Unity): To strive for and to maintain unity in the family, community, nation, and race.
"The snow already started. If I leave now, do you think I'll beat the blizzard?" Josh texted.
Shit.
I had two options here. Option one... text my little brother back with, "Yes, now get your teenage ass on that train and meet me at the Museum so I can get some culture in you, damn it!" or I could just let him off the hook.
The day before, I'd asked him (bribed him) to come with me to the Museum Of Natural History for their annual Kwanzaa Celebration, thinking that I'd have "Umoja" in the freakin' BAG by the very act of bringing him to some uber-black cultural Kwanzaa Fest.
I mean, we have different mothers, he's two decades younger than me ( hey...Pops is a rollin' stone...) and if THAT shit don't say "Unity", I don't know what does! Hell people... I'm bridging gaps! Age gaps, cultural gaps...you name it! AND, I'd fully planned on bringing him to Shake Shake so he could see how a single cheeseburger can actually be a spirtual experience. I mean... for real...Habari Gani!!
(Which is Swahili for " What's the News?". Though I'm taking it to mean..."What's REALLY Good?" and saying it with that much "hood" in my attitude...kna mean? Try it. Say "Habari Gani" as if you were saying "What's REALLY Good?" Fun, huh?)
So anyway...I let him off the hook. We'd hang another time. And this decision was prompted by two things:
1. Guilt about dragging my brother to an event he didn't want to go to for the sake of my own self-exploration.
2. Fear of getting a phone call from my father about my brother being trapped on the 6 train for three hours because of the storm. Believe me, that's not a phone call you want. Ever.
I called the boyfriend to tell him it was off and he was already taking his kids back home due to weather conditions, so, even if I wanted to move forward...it's a wrap. Gee...thanks storm.
And that's when it hit me. Doing this series again this year might be a baaaaad fucking idea because umm...
NOW WHAT? How the hell am I supposed to celebrate Kwanzaa, find the spirit and Umoja when I have NOTHING to write about. Way to go Nye. Who the hell can "Umoja"... alone at home... during a storm?
RECORD SCRATCH! Storm?
Wait a second. A storm is coming...I need to get FOOD.
(Did your mother do this? Whenever they heard a storm was on the way, they'd run to the Supermarket an stock up for Armageddon, like they wouldn't be able to hit another grocery store for a month?)
So yeah, I need food and ... wait a second. Didn't I say I was going to celebrate Kwanzaa the right way this year? I didn't get "the props"! Wholly shit! I gotta run to TARGET!
Now...don't ask me why I thought Target would have a "Kwanzaa" section, but they had to. They HAD to.
Because if they don't, this entire series is RUINED and I've FAILED. So they HAVE to have one... they just HAVE to!
(20 minutes later...)
They don't.
I know... it's a shocker.
Why in the hell did I think there would be one section where I could pick up a kinara (candle holder), candles (red, black, green to represent our colors), harvest (produce to represent abundance), a communal cup (for pouring libations), and a mat (um..to make shit look presentable)?
Well...they didn't. So as I stood there looking stupid and wondering how the hell I was going to celebrate Kwanzaa if I couldn't buy the proper...uh...props, I remembered "Richard from Texas".
Not sure if you read/saw "Eat, Pray, Love", but while the author was in the ashram in India...she started to stress out about how she was going to decorate her meditation room instead of concentrating on getting her mind still. Her friend, "Richard from Texas" (who nicknamed her "Groceries", because she was more concerned with food than the purpose at hand...) asked her straight out..."Are you shitting me? Who gives a crap what the room looks like?! Decorate what's on the INSIDE Groceries!"
Right. And that's when I realized, I'd been going at this thing all wrong.
See, I kinda got caught up in the glitz of doing this thing for you all. Those who loved the last series so much, they couldn't wait to see what I got into again. My ego took over like ..."Relax Nye...I got this. This will be amazing and you'll be loved for it! And you LOVED the love...right? Yes...you did! So lets go get some more! Write girl...write and make them love you!" Totally forgetting that I did this thing, not for you...not even for me. But...for a higher reason! And that reason is... umm... well....
What I'm trying to say is that this isn't supposed to be about how much I spend. This is about... um... about...
Whatever. I'll figure that out later.
Right now...let's think about what I already HAVE and make up the difference. And that's a lesson in itself, isn't it? Appreciate what you already have, and build on it. Not sure if this will lead me to UMOJA but... hey.
It's worth a shot.
And so I thought about it. What do I ALREADY have that I'm not appreciating?
Wait a second! That candle holder I have at home has seven slots! BOOM! Instant Kinara!
Way to go Groceries! Now, I just need to find candles.
(10 minutes later...) POW! I found three red and three green votive candles whose scent didn't make me wanna puke. As for the black candle? Umm... not so much. Eff it. I'll grab dark brown. Close enough.
Now...I'm sure I can use that table runner from Thanksgiving as a mat, I know I've got plenty of funky cups (thanks to one too many trips to Pier One) and now, all I need is the produce! Off to the supermarket I go and since I've got to get food to get me through Snowpocolypse 2010 anyway...this is perfect!
A few honey crisp apples, navel oranges, green bananas & corn ears later... I had my produce!
HABARI GANI BITCHES!!!
It's later...and the storm is showing it's ass, but I don't care. I am now running home with new vigor and a bag full of Kwanzaa! Museum?! Ha! We don't need no stinkin' Museum!! I have a real live Kwanzaa display...in MY home! TA-DOW!
So, I hook up the display, (BEAUTIFUL! I even added that statue of a slave I got in Brazil to give the display a little more "don't forget you came from a slave" guilt), take pictures, light that first candle, say the word "UMJOA" out loud...then "UNITY"... and wait as the spirit of Kwanzaa washed over me!
Yup. It's coming.
Any second now, UMJOA is going RAIN DOWN in this piece! I'll have an epiphany and the lesson I learned about Unity will just spill forth like POW!
...yup. Any second now. It's coming. I could feel it.
Fifteen minutes later...
I peeled an orange from the harvest and ate it.
I got up, and feeling all sorts of defeated... walked to the kitchen to make myself a sandwich, dreading writing this note.
I'd failed. The first freakin' day, and I'd completely failed.
I jumped on FB...hoping to find some inspiration and ...fuck! Teena Marie died?!! Are you KIDDING ME?! Great. Now I feel like shit for posting that "Rick James"/Dave Chappelle "Unity" clip.
HEY! Maybe I could write about how Teena Marie united blacks and whites musically! I mean, she died on the first day of Kwanzaa! How black is THAT? And Teena Marie was an icon in the black community! How's THAT for "Umoja"?! I mean...
"This isn't about Teena Marie Nyree. Are your heart, mind and actions united?"
Wait... huh?
"Your heart, mind and actions...are they united? Or are they all making different decisions? You can't grow that way. Any unresolved issues you may have, get your heart, mind and actions on the same page in order to move forward."
Umm... OK. Well...they sorta are because...
"Do you want to stay here? Are you growing?"
Umm... no, now that you asked. And um...(heavy sigh) put that on everything.
"Then unite them. And stop bullshitting. You bullshitted all day. Take action. Real action.
Unite them. That's Umoja. Not some candles and fruit."
Now, call it God, Allah, Jehovah, Spirit, Common Sense or whatever, but THIS is the thought that came to mind. Oprah calls this a "Ah-ha" moment. I call it a "Oh-shit" moment. Whatever you call it... wherever this thought came from... it was right. My heart and mind weren't on the same page. And all the produce and candle lighting wouldn't help that. And I was bullshitting. It was absolutely right.
And so, I sat down and made a list.
Not a resolution list...but a list of all the things important to me.
Family. Friends. Relationship. Finances. Time management. Home care. Spiritual care. Health. Networking & Career.
Then I broke everything down and asked the right questions.
Is my heart in the right place with all? Is my mind? Do my actions back this up?
If not...what changes do I need to make? Do need to DO something? Get rid of somethings? People?
For example... on Christmas, my favorite nephew told me he felt like I was neglecting him. I could hear the "I miss you" in his voice and it killed me. I tried to excuse this away, but he was right. I'd been a shitty aunt, not putting in the time or connection....sacrificing for a future goal. You know...once I get THAT, THIS will get better. Forgetting that right now is the only thing that matters. Like the man that works to build an empire and all his kids want is somebody to play catch with.
I heard this from my cousin, my aunt, my mother... and damn if I didn't try to excuse it all away.
But they were all right.
So when it comes to family, my heart... check. It's definitely there. No question.
My mind...check. My actions, quite frankly...suck. That's gotta change.
And I kept going down this list till I understood where, in each category...I could use some improvement. Some... my heart. Some my mind. But overwhelmingly...my actions. All three need to unite.
And fast.
So, the first day of Kwanzaa folks...mission, as far as I'm concerned... accomplished.
Once again, Kwanzaa shocked the shit out of me by giving me a lesson I wasn't even expecting.
(And this Teena Marie shit? Man listen. That's another note...but... wow ya'll. WOW.)
Anyway...moving on.
OK KWANZAA...BRING IT! WHAT'S NEXT?
Kujichagulia (Self-Determination): To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves, and speak for ourselves.
Yeah. Say that five times fast...
-Nyree
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