...KNOW THEIR NIA (purpose) ANYMORE. "RETURN OF KWANZAA 2010: LOST IN NEW YORK"

Did you see this shit right here? If you didn't...you NEED to.

See...let me explain what this is. This is what happens when white folk get confused about black culture and start feeling bad for us... thinking that we don't get enough exposure. They start wanting to "include" us, so they don't feel bad. White guilt is an awful thing (almost as bad as black low-self esteem) and the last thing they want is more of it.

So...somebody makes a call to The Food Network... a VP of "Diversity" or some shit panics because he doesn't want Al Sharpton's ass coming down on them, meetings happen...meetings happen...meetings happen... Sandra's producers get a call, a few phallic candles on a big brown ball with some nuts (I just said a lot there...)and VOILA! The fucking Kwanzaa Cake.***

**BTW, this was explained to me by a white dude, who sometimes, hates everything about white privilege until it's hailing in December...sometime around midnight... and it's him and Jamal Jackson on the same corner trying to hail a cab. And you know what...I ain't mad at him.***

And don't give me that look. I tried. You KNOW I tried.

(See the KWANZAA 2009 posts that precedes this one...re-posted for your reading pleasure.)

I mean, this year, even after all I went through, still not thinking Kwanzaa was worth the produce, I made the effort.

Whenever a co-worker asked, "So...what are you doing for the holiday break?" My typical response was... "Ahh...nothing huge. Just family. Staying home...everyone lives here, so no traveling..."

And that's when I'd force myself to say...

"And I'm doing Kwanzaa this year....again."

And that's when they'd all give me this "I don't want to offend her, but I have no idea what the hell that means" sing-songy "Ohhhh...." /half ass smile/nod.

Sometimes, I'd offer that I hate it. Other times...(those times being, if I suspected that person of having an arsenal of nigger jokes they whip out at Christmas over the Nog...) I get really asshole-ish.

"Yeah, you know, Kujichagalia is at my place...and it all begins the day after Christmas, so it's like...no break at all, you know? Lots of produce to buy...and all those APPLES!"
And still...they nod politely. (Ha! God bless em, everyone.)

And look, I'm not making fun of them. I think it's awesome that they don't want to offend me, but I know they think it's bullshit. And yes, even after all I've been through....so do I.

However...I have to do it again. HAVE to. Why?

The fucking Kwanzaa Cake. It's whole existence is... is...


(Heavy sigh)..my friends, it's Miss Millie throwing you a bone. She's telling you it's alright...you can have the whole day wit your chillens. THE WHOLE DAY."Just have your black ass at work on the 3rd. And go easy on the Egyptian Musk, or whatever you people use..."

THIS is all your fault. See...I did my part.

I wanted nothing to do with this holiday, yet, decided to embrace it.
I started off by giving suggestions on how to make it better.

I chronicled.

I made friends.

I made enemies.

I learned some things about myself and still...STILL...I find myself celebrating alone with a hearty "Good luck Nye! Can't wait to read it!"

But that's not how it was supposed to work.

I thought the point of this thing was to get you guys excited about the Ngumo...um...Ngumby... (google... google...google...) the NGUZO SABA (I knew that). So I sorta feel like I failed.

I mean, I'M not even excited. How in the hell are YOU going to be? So that's when I decided to try it again this year, motivated by absurdity of The Kwanzaa Cake (I voted for your hubby Sandra Lee...but seriously? SERIOUSLY?) and this year's major missteps in our culture (IE: Eddie Long, The Real Housewives of Atlanta, The Basketball Wives, Brandy and Ray J (hell...the whole VH1 line up), For Colored Girls, Antoine Dodson making dough off his sisters' near rape while simultaneously making blackface OK for thousands.

I mean, how did we go from the first, incredibly hot black president to THIS?

Oh my people...dare I say it.

We may just need Kwanzaa... now, more than ever.

And I am more than willing to bring it to you.

As soon as I can figure out what the hell it is...again.


When I Google Kwanzaa I get the big Kwanzaa fest in NYC .... and sure, I did that the last time, but I'll be honest. I totally half assed it. I got there at the back end...all snide and snarky. Not really diving into the performances or talking to the participants.

THAT, my friends, is going to change.

So will all of the other Nug..... NS's. THIS time, I'm going to be as serious as I can be. Full Kwanzaa status. I'm getting the candles. I'm getting the fruit. I'm getting the mat. I'm gonna reflect. This is gonna be awesome...

Or a miserable failure and a waste of vacation. EITHER WAY...somebody's gotta do it.

Why?

Because the bullshit that's going on this year is what happens when we lose touch and somebody's got to help bring us back.

Not going to lie... I'm also doing it for myself. A bit of an "Eat, Pray, Love" for myself and my peoples...because this year... I dunno about ya'll. I really don't. However, if you want to make the world a different place, take a look at yourself and then make the change. (Sorry. Way too much Michael Jackson - The Experience.)

So, just as I did last year, I'll be chronicling each day. Feel free to follow along in person...or vicariously. (I'll let you know where I'll be)

Either way...this Kwanzaa shit is getting handled.

Or my name isn't Miss Sophia.

(Wait...what?)