Funny. I don't feel blacker. And I'm still not clear why this should only be done by blacks...but anyway...let me get into it.
Imani (Faith)
To believe with all our heart in our people, our parents, our teachers, our leaders and the righteousness and victory of our struggle.
Who actually sits up and asks themselves..."What do I have faith in?"
Have you ever done this? It's a hell of a question. If you've never done this...I highly suggest you try it.
Go into your bathroom or whatever room or space brings you peace and just ask yourself.
"What do you have faith in?"
The default answer for most? "God".
Yeah...yeah. But what else? Well I asked around.
Ready for some really depressing shit?
"Nothing."
"Faith is bullshit."
“That’s the problem with black people now. All this faith and no action. Faith is a concept. Used for control.”
"What do you mean...faith? I don't understand the question."
FAITH. Damn it! FAITH. You know what FAITH means, don't you?
"...No, actually I don't. What is faith exactly?"
Good question.
I knew it had something to do with belief, but after that, my personal definition breaks down a bit. So I decided to look it up.
(Glasses on... big dictionary out...flip, flip, flip... oh wait. I can't cut and paste from a book. OoooKaayy.... log on...Google... boom.)
From Wikipedia: "Faith is a belief in the trustworthiness of an idea or person. Formal usage of the word "faith" is usually reserved for concepts of religion, as in theology, where it almost universally refers to a trusting belief in a transcendent reality, or else in a Supreme Being and said being's role in the order of transcendent, spiritual things."
Let's just stay with the informal version. Religion has a tendency to turn great people into mouth foaming hate spitters, and I'm a love muffin.
Don't spit on my muffin. (Ahem. ANYhoo...where were we?)
"...Belief in the trustworthiness of an idea or a person." This is Imani.
"To believe with all our heart in our people, our parents, our teachers, our leaders and the righteousness and victory of our struggle."
And I hate to bring this guy in it, because he's running the risk of Jolie-Pitt overexposure, but I have to. Damn it...he deserves it.
Before Barack Obama's run for the presidency, I'd have to say my faith tank was running pretty damn low. It was almost like the world had gone stupid and that racist grandfather (pick one) was right. You know, the one you'd been trying to ignore. The one that kept telling you, "No we can't." Damn it... he might be right.
Public figures were bringing back "Nigger" like it was aight, the mocking misuse of hip-hop slang in your face..BY THE PRESIDENT, "nappy headed ho's", uh...HURRICANE KATRINA? I mean, I pretty much started to re-learn how to hum negro spirituals again and mentally started picking out potential owners just incase G.W found a loophole to reverse slavery.
Oh. But you think I'm joking.
Man, I sat in my office and watched while corpses floated down the street. The elderly dying on the side of roads in wheelchairs. Oh...it hurt so bad I moaned ya'll. MOANED.
I cried like a baby behind a closed office door, while everyone around me tiptoed, not knowing what to say. Shit. What can you say?
My Imani was pretty much gone. After I saw that, I decided to move to Costa Rica. France. Canada. Shit...anywhere. I had a full-blown case of "TBN". "Tired of Being a Nigger". Learning a new language was better than going though the rest of my life feeling like this.
(Wait a second. Time out. I just realized, I may have to explain "TBN" for those who don't understand. Feel free to skip this part if you've already suffered through a full-blown case of TBN. I don't want to trigger a relapse.)
..........................
For my not-black friends...(hmmm...how can I say this?) "Tired of being a nigger" isn't just about being called a bad name. It's sorta hard to explain, but I'm going to try. With a little help...and some pictures.
Here's BET's list of the top 25 events that Misshaped Black America. I won't go into them in detail, but feel free to do so on your own. I encourage it. And while you're at it. Try to imagine your family living through and rising above all this...whenever you're not getting followed around the hair supply store. (HEAVY SIGH.) Ok. Here we go...
25. The Jheri Curl
(Though I would like to say, if you have curly hair and use "Let's Jam", you can be misunderstood. Just wanted to put that out there.) Keep it moist...
24. Hurricane Katrina. Wade in the water...
23. The N-Word (Yeah. They annoy me too...)
22. CoIntelPro (This was BULLSHIT...but get a bigger sharpie next time.)
21. Elvis. Our "OJ".
20. Negative Hip-Hop (Heavy sigh...)
19. Bling-Bling. Because you don't shine enough.
18. Welfare. Not just for polygamists anymore.
17. The American Prison System. There's always room for one more!
16. Light Skin Blacks vs. Dark Skin Blacks (Talkin' bout good and bad haaaaair....)
15. Ward Connerly. (Thanks Ward. Nice try though.)
14. The US Supreme Court. I'm sure they were fair.
13. Ronald Reagan/ Reaganomics. And he TOTALLY has your best interests at heart.
12. The Burning of Black Wall Street. Look into it.
11. Soul Food. Pressure on a plate.
10. Gangs. (Learn to speak "Gang" in less than one hour!)
9. Hollywood. (Wow. How'd that MFA from Yale in Fine Arts work out for you?)
8. The Deaths of Malcolm X & MLK. (Still hurts, doesn't it?)
7. Blacks that glorify stupidity. (Teeth suck.) Be THAT as it may, we still say it for the simple fact that it's fun to say.
6. The KKK. Boys in the hood.
5. Apartheid/Segregation. (Sorry. Why don't you clench and keep it movin' till you reach the bushes. This is for OUR urine.)
4. Religion. "And God says, "Niggers get to be free in Heaven later! Serve your master NOW." It says so right here...in dis here good book. In pencil. Wit, I recken a few thans crossed out. But... since Ise can't read, Massa told me what it says, bless him. And thank Jesus for him!"
3. AIDS. (Still raw-doggin' it, huh? How's that working out for you?)
2. Drugs. (Killed us. On so many levels.)
1. Slavery. (...)
As a black person, it's just... (heavy sigh...) HARD to have faith in anything when you've got all this on your back. (And more, but I'll be here all day and I've got things to do.)
Try to erase one. Just one. Try to forgive it, let it go, and see what happens. You still have at least 24...and all of them have LAYERS. Understand a little better? OK. Back to Imani....
...................
So yeah, I was losing it. And then something happened last year...
And now, I'm going to say something that is going give some a rash, but hey...it's the truth.
You know who helped me this year with my Imani big time? (I'll get to Barack and Michelle in a minute. And my nephew too... who became a single teen dad, dropped out of high school, then returned to finish, picks up his son as much as possible and is now working his way through college. Big up to you for not giving up!)
You know who else stepped up big time?
White people. Millions of 'em.
When it came to this election, whites joined forces with the rest of us and were pretty much like...fuck that!
We all got hit by rising gas and food. We all got...tired. Let's try and put this bullshit aside and get better! And tell me you weren't shocked.
Tell me when Barack won Iowa... IOWA... you didn't look at white people like... SAY WORD?!
And suddenly, they weren't all "trying to hold a brother down" and we weren't all "not fucking with them cuz they're trying to hold a brother down"...and we both moved an inch. Not a huge distance, but it was a start.
Then, just when the machine tried to put everyone back in their respective corners... here comes Barack. And he reminds all of us that we're people. The man won't deny his African roots. He won't deny his white roots. I'm American. Fuck that. Deal with it.
And when we tried to act up and say he wasn't black enough, or white enough...dude writes a speech and verbally spanks us AGAIN. "There isn't a black America or a white America... there is the United States of America". In other words, ya'll have got to get over it. Seriously.
Then he started winning...and I started to feel something that I hadn't felt since I was a kid watching "Magic Garden", hoping Paula would see me through her magic mirror...
Hope.
We might win this. We might have a black president. WE might actually overcome.
I don't have to go into it. You were there. You cried for days like a baby just like I did.
However, as soon as he was pronounced winner… something in me just…just… changed.
Geek Moment: Know that part in “The Matrix” when Neo gets shot dead by Agent Smith ...then Trinity kisses him, tells him he's got to be The One cuz the Oracle said...blah blah blah? Then he gets up...and says, very quietly..."No."? Dude just stopped dodging bullets and just ...FUCK THAT. Pluck. Drop.
Yeah well...THAT HAPPENED.
Everything I'd lost faith in... dreams, goals, family, friends, relationships suddenly got a recharge.
I took a look at where I was and said, "Uh...I don't want to be here anymore." And EVERYTHING changed. (Katt Williams...) EV-ER-RY-THANG.
Back to Imani: To believe with all our heart in our people, our parents, our teachers, our leaders and the righteousness and victory of our struggle.
Yeah. I completed it. But I still have a problem with Kwanzaa because it's not just about OUR people... it's about all people.
Not just OUR parents, teachers, leaders. We need to have a little Imani in ALL of them.
I think we're ALL moving in the right direction and the struggle isn't just for blacks anymore.
So blacks, listen to me very closely. I'm only going to say this once.
Get your head outcha ass. Pull your pants up. Stay off Maury.
When an immigrant gets bashed by some ignorant jerk in a white-hood or not...that's YOU. When a gay person is denied rights...that's YOU. We didn't come this far to just sit on it and say, "Oh well. Ya'll should figure it out....we did."
Sure...we opened the door, but now it's our duty to help others walk through.
Sorry...I'll get off my soap box now. Where was I? Oh...yeah. Imani.
So...all that to say, I've had Imani since November 4th. It took some time to get it back...but I'd been working on it for the entire year and I'm glad it paid off...because my Spanish is still bootie and my French is just as bad. Tres mal.
And sure, Costa Rica's a nice place and all...but they ain't got shit on the Boogie.
(Insert "South Bronx" here...and pump it.)
I wish you all love, truth and prosperity in 2009 and beyond... thanks for going on this journey with me...I couldn't have done it without you!
-Nyree
P.S.
Did I change my mind about Kwanzaa? Absofuckinglutely not.
It’s still a bullshit ass holiday, however, I do realize that some people may just need it. Actually... a lot of people need it. Maybe I'll do it again next ye... no. That's a lie. I'm not doing it again. Sorry.
OK… I got some fun writing out if it too. And a cake. And some shea butter. So rock on with your produce and candles if you need to.
As for me… giving up my week between Christmas and New Years...AGAIN?
(Come one everyone, say it with me.)
Fuuuck that! : )
Besides, who needs Kwanzaa? We've got this.
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