Want To See "Django Unchained"

Welp...THAT'S bullshit because YES THE FUCK YOU DO.

I almost want to end the post right there because the idea of NOT seeing this film (as a fan of Tarantino) is mind boggling. Like... REALLY? Why wouldn't you?!

But you'd go see fuckin...Red Tails in droves, right??  Yeah. How'd THAT work out for you?
George duped your ass then sold Star Wars. (And you forgot all about Jar-Jar right? Yeah. Hold that.)

The Wrong Stuff

So don't tell me you don't want to see it. Because you do. Because we all do. We want to go see the shit out of it.

You know how I know? Because I know in my soul, that QT is about that fantasy revenge life.
ALL of his shit is about revenge.

Dude...he shot Hitler in the face!

IN. THE. FACE.

He burned, shot and blew up all the top Nazis in the Nazi cabinet! AND had a Jew laughing while they  were served on flambe'!  And I don't know about you...but I fucking CHEERED in the theater.

 I cheered like somebody went back in a time machine and did that shit for real.

This Girl Is On Fire...

And he's not even Jewish.

But I tell you what he IS. A geeky white man who became a cinematic rock star...but never got a black pass. You know...? He didn't get "Bill Clinton" type "black pass" status where we're all like..."He's that DUDE" and I know he wants it. Shit...who wouldn't?

 And you know what that also means? He had to carry around all that fucked up white guilt for years. And he knows about white privilege. He's got black peoples. He's aware.

Not only that....he does research. Why? He's a smart motherfucker. Learn as much as you can, and then you can break the rules.

So Django may very well be his black love letter. His "I voted for Obama". His "Yo...I GET it now." And I for one, am willing give him a black pass. Retro-active platinum signed by Rakim.

You're going to see this shit...stop fronting.

You know, this reminds me of the time Barack first got into the race against Hillary and we were all..."We don't know that negro! We know Miss Hillary!"

Then he started winning. And then we started listening.  And then we were like... oh. He's not Jesse Jackson...and he's only got two kids?  For real?! #TEAM BLACK MAN.

Black folk are funny like that.  Prove it works, and we get on board. And I get it. Too much disappointment and we'd rather be surprised.

I also know some of you are still pissed off because he had a liberal use of "Nigger" in his past films and he had Mr. Wallace ass fucked with a mouth gag and it messed with your black man machismo.
Dude. I get it. I understand. But I also would like to tell you to have a nice cup of shut the fuck up and get over it.

Seriously, do you think white people don't say "Nigger"? A lot? You mad because somebody put it on film and it wasn't during a time when somebody was getting his ass whupped by Massa (Insert Your Last Name Here)? And as for black men getting ass fucked and raped by white supremacists... if you can't see how psychologically awesome it was to put racial sexual envy, repression and the assertion of white power (in the form of rape) on screen... umm.. whatever. I'm not having that discussion with you. You wouldn't get it anyway.


BUT...please just admit it. You're going to see Django Unchained.  Look. You don't have to tell anyone. It'll be our little secret. Just do it, like white folks voting for Barack on the low. (You know the pollsters were confused as fuck when Barack won, right? "But...but...but...the polls said..."
Yeah. They SAID Romney to other white folks, but in the booth it was, "Look. I'm trying to eat.")


Look. What the fuck else you going to see on Christmas Day? Les Miserables? (Though I'm not going to front...I am. But my Django tickets are for 11AM.)

And I hate to bring it down to the lowest common denominator of the revenge film, but um... you know Jamie is whipping a white slave owner in this, right? And yeah, the rest of the story is fantastic, (I read an early script. It made me moist.) but SERIOUSLY...you don't want to SEE that?!


Sorry. I do. I want to scratch that motherfucking itch so bad it bleeds. 


I've wanted to scratch it so bad,  before I'd even heard of Django, I wrote a TV pilot that looked so much like this (except our lead is a female) that when I heard QT was doing Django, I almost trashed it. Why? Three reasons.

1.  I realized was...I wrote the gotdamb "Good, Bad, & The Ugly"  meets "Downton Abby" as a TV series... in the antebellum south.

2. QT would probably do it so much better than I would. No...not probably. Like I said, I read the script. He did.

3. The possiblity of something like that getting made was slim to none. Especially from an unknown.

But I still have dreams. I kept it...so don't worry. It may just happen. (Heeeeey Taraji P. Henson... I'll have my people call your people.)



So...if you are still on the fence, after all this passion I've smacked down in this post, allow me to help you out.

Watch the trailer (and Sam Jackson "Uncle Tom'n like a BOSS...) :

And, just so you know I'm not just getting on the band wagon and shit....watch as I gushed shamelessly all over QT during a Times Talks Q&A right before the opening of "Inglourious Basterds". 

                                           

So if you haven't figured it out by now, clearly, I'm on Team QT.  And I'm proud to say I stay writing fearlessly because he does.  He is one of my heroes. 

I hope you have heroes. Because I ride hard for mine and that said... I am HERE for Django Unchained. 

IT. WILL. NOT. SUCK. 

Because like I said in that video, he doesn't suck...ever. 

#TeamAries

-N

(Oh will you just leave the toe thing out of this people?! Focus.  Some men like their nipples sucked. Some like the "Gyp Rosetti". Everybody has something. If I told you what I liked...man, listen. )