Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Love Homophobia




You have one. Everybody has one.

You know exactly who he is.
He was the cousin at Christmas who was a little TOO excited about dancing to Michael Jackson.

He always had a smart ass comeback.

He was a pain in the ass but also a hell of a lot of fun.

He carefully sat very close to his female cousins and either watched with longing as they stroked their "My Little Pony"s luxurious pink mane... or, in a self hate rage, grabbed the plastic horse and launched it across the room.

He showed you what "having an attitude" was before you even understood the term.
(And thanks to him, you got smacked for giving it.)

You know which cousin this is because, without a doubt, he was named something sorta...well...gay. It wasn't a gay name until he actually revealed that he was gay though.

 But somehow, when you all realized he wasn't a fan of self-lubricating orifices, his name sort of became feminine. 

Like Andre.

Or Terrance.

Or Londell.


He's that kid that couldn't enjoy a fucking holiday in peace because was constantly being yelled at to correct his behavior. A steady stream of being told what little boys "don't" do. Like singing the entire "Dreamgirls" soundtrack. Or turning a perfect double dutch rope rotation. Which made him a valuable asset since you had an permanent turner (SCORE!), since jumping could possibly get him hit by an adult.

Yes...hit.

He probably got hit more than any of the other kids.

Your uncle had no problem with punching in his chest (really fucking hard) and then mean mugged him.... daring him to cry.

He got called a bitch.

He was constantly told to sit down next to the guys and watch basketball when he didn't want to. He was that kid you wanted to play with more... but, because you're a girl, the adults wouldn't let you.

Then, one day, little Andre/Terrance/Londell grew up, went to college, became full on gay and comfortable with himself.

Got some awesome friends.

Got an awesome job.

Worked out relentlessly.

And despite the "faggot" label from those who weren't comfortable in their own sexuality...became pretty damn awesome himself.

And his awesomeness transcended all ill wishes. (Especially the dudes who tried to physically test him because he sucked dick. Hell hath no fury like a grown man with emotional scars of a hardened seven year old being punched in the chest with an unwavering resolve to never. let. that. happen. again. )

A man I once dated  had Ghetto Turrets.

 "Nigger, what the fuck are you talking about? Ayo, you's a faggot Yo."

Real talk, he almost didn't get a third date because of it, but he did. And I ignored it, because, aside from being a typical dude (to be read "homophobic") he was a pretty decent guy. I guess.

 I mean, who am I to change the black man's homophobia?  That's just...culture standard, right?  Besides, I'm far beyond changing anyone and if he didn't learn this lesson by now, it's not my job to show him.

...or is it?

Yeah, it is my job. Here's why.

This caused extra problems for me since my best friend is gay. And so are most my really close friends.

 And these people have been there for me when I was on my fucking knees.

When I had the flu, when I was heartbroken and down to my last thin dime.

I'd poured my heart out to them and they nursed me back to sanity.

They forced me to dance and sing when the last thing on Earth I wanted to do was celebrate life.

They fed me. Got me drunk when I needed to numb the bullshit of life and brought me joy when I needed to be reminded how good life really was in truth.

These men were my brothers.

 And I'd be damn if anybody talked shit about my family.

You know, I always wondered what my white friends did when in the company of friends or family who spewed racist bullshit. I mean, sure, when someone of  color is around, I know they've got my back. They'll burn KKK hoods on the steps of a Tea Party Fundraiser if need be, I'm sure of it.   But when there's nothing but white around as far as the eye can see, do they do the same? If  a racist spews hate and nobody of color is around to hear it, does it still make a noise?  And do I care whether they cower  under social pressure to keep the peace?

 You damn right I do.
So, how did I deal in the face of ghettoized homophobia spewed from the man I loved and his equally mind-blowing homophobic peers? Easy. I did what any woman who watches too many movie would do.

I pushed him in the pool, so to speak.

In any great "fish out of water" flick, our main character with (insert issue here) is reluctant to change  until he's thrown into a situation where  he/she is forced to deal with the very thing he/she hated. You know that movie right? Right?

Enter Nyree's Homophobia deprogramming boot camp.

I brought him to every rainbow flagged event I could.

Brunches,  birthday celebrations,  even a  funeral.

Sorry. But this is what you get when you date me Dude.
Deal, or don't date me.

*strikes a B-Boy stance*

OK. I'm trying to act all big and bad about this...but it really didn't go down like that.


There was a conversation. One where, I tried to be as understanding as possible.

"I just don't get it. How can a dude...be turned on by another dude?!" he asked. Then shuddered.

I think he may have also said "Yuk".

"Well, I understand it, because I get turned on by men. But I can also understand you not understanding. For instance, I don't understand why men like watching women spit on a dick." I replied.

Yeah.

And furthermore, I highly doubt gay men understand what turns you, a heterosexual man on.

Sure, titties are universal, but even some women don't get the fascination with us. We smell awful if we go unchecked, we're emo as shit and just plain annoying. We need attention, maintenance, compliments and care taking CONSTANTLY and if that's not bad enough, we bleed. However, the way a dick feels when enveloped in hot vagina makes men forget all of that. Thankfully.

Now I don't understand how a dick feels in a hot vagina, but to forget all of that, I'm willing to bet it feels pretty fucking good. Almost as good as it  feels in an anus. How do I know dick wrapped in tight, lubricated anus feels amazing? Because I've never slept with one straight guy who hasn't requested it.

Oh...wait. I did.

This particular ex thought anal was gross. Ahh...and now it all makes sense.

But I digress. (No pun intended.)

The point is, after quite some time in my sexual tolerance boot camp... his speech changed.

Less "faggot" and "nigger" and more "gay" and "my dude". (And he wielded "gay" like we used to say "shoot" instead of "shit" back in the day. Reluctantly, yet understanding of the consequence.  Hey...I'll take it. Stonewall wasn't built in a day.)

And then, one triumphant day he actually said, "I'm proud to say I have a few gay friends... " and I almost fell out my damn chair. Progress is a beautiful thing folks.

So that got me to thinking. If a 40 year old Bronx-Native can change,  I wondered if it's just... outdated for black folk to be homophobic. Have we deemed homophobia simply...not cool?

(And as you know, once black folk decide something isn't cool anymore...it's fucking not. Period.)

That's when I came across this video where my friend Al of  "State Of The ReUnion" fame. I don't have to say anything else about this video except that I'm hoping this shit rubs off. Because frankly, I'm tired of the ignorance.

Every year, an outdoor house music dance event called "The Soul Summit" turns Fort Greene Park in Brooklyn into the best summer party ever, and every year, I have to sit and hear heterosexuals bitch about how many homosexuals were there, and in the very next breath say, "The vibe there is just so chill and free..."

Ya think?

This Sunday, I'm heading to another outdoor dance event called "Sundae Sermon" and I'm sure the same thing ignorant shit will go down.

My brothers, all muscled  up (you mad?), smiling, happy and minding their own business will be dancing up a storm and enjoying the party, while on a lawn chair somewhere, some homophobic prick will comment how many faggots are outside. Next to that prick, some homophobic douche of a woman will talk about how she's "strictly dickly". (Cute. We're still saying that over the age of 12 eh?)

And I sincerely hope the prick and douche pack up their smuggled in Coconut infused (fill in the blank type-alcohol), while feeling so uncomfortable with themselves, they decide to go elsewhere.

Good riddance. You're a relic. You're outdated. To quote Jay-Z...we off that.

However, if they should decide to stay, have a great time and enjoy the vibe instead of spewing homophobic bullshit, may they learn a thing or two. 

Like the following:

1. Bigots SUCK. By hating people of other orientations, you are a bigot. The struggle you had growing up in a country that treats you like a ward of the state, dives to Inception like levels when you add on being gay. So if you still maintain your shit, imagine what they have to go through knowing that they can't even take solace in their racial community.

2. Outdoor events are for everyone. EVERYONE. Even you. Asshole.

3. Nobody is trying to fuck you in your precious little anus. This isn't jail, it's a party. Besides, in jail, men typically rape. Rape isn't about sex, it's about power.

4. Someone else's sexual orientation has fuck all to do with your life. It does not destroy your livelihood, your heterosexual relationships or your religion. (Jesus never said a word. Put Leviticus away unless you're going to pay attention to all of it.) But how you reject those LBGT black folks have damaging consequences. Teens turned out of their homes and onto the street are then forced to break laws to survive. Depression. Alcoholism. Self denial and a myriad of issues I'm certainly not qualified to  free style on without a Google fact check. But you get the point. Someone else's life is truly none of your business, however, when you make it your business...then socially, we all have a problem.

They have colleges. And friends. And family. And are loved.  Just like you.

They are grown adult persons who pay bills, live life, love, lose and deserve respect, not only for who they are, but ESPECIALLY for who they are.

Unlike you, that kid who could jump double dutch in the hood, the one who danced better than anyone on the block, the one who had to take that punch to the chest without crying,  the one who had to fight (literally) to be who they were grew up and, if they were your family member, probably loved you anyway.

 And no matter what you say from your high and mighty lawn chair,  they fucking deserve to freely dance  in the sunshine.

 They've earned it.

So suck it up or go home. Better yet... please try as hard as you can, to get over it.

Because you're annoying the shit out of the rest of us.  We don't understand you and how you're just ...I dunno... "like that".

You should probably go somewhere where you can be "like that" with other people, you know? So we don't have to see it. I mean, I don't have a problem with bigots. Jesus says to love everybody, but you and your bigot attitudes? Ugh. That's just nasty. Eww...

-N



BTW... The Sundae Sermon is a FREE outdoor event and is all sorts of awesome.

If you're around Harlem...bring your blanket and get ready to dance.

Love is the message at this event.







1 comment:

Naomi Simmons-Thorne, M.T. said...

You know what, *tear*, THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR THIS POST !!!!! I AM the person you talked about in this whole entire post. I am the double-dutch loving, dreagirls singing,harassed by my family gay boy from the hood who wouldn't change himself for ANYTHING in the world. Growing up as a kid in Brooklyn OF COURSE I loved playing double dutch with the girls, dancing with the girls, and envied my sister and cousins with their barbies. I hated sports and wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. Every year, every month, every week, every day, every hour, every holiday, I had to be reminded how I was too girly and I needed to be masculine blah blah blah, and it hurt, it really did, especially when it comes from your family. But I grew up and I got stronger, and I am proud of who I am and will forever be proud of who I am as well! Thank you so much for inspiring me, I love your blog, PLEASE keep writing, PLEASE keep doing what your doing, you are great !!! W/ much love your soul brother - Nathaniel Simmons