Sunday, March 14, 2010

Know WHY Black Women Are Single...So Stop Trying To Explain It

*In this special edition of "Nyree Goes In", she's talking specifically to black men in her native dialect. Reader discretion is advised.*


Heavy sigh & eyeroll...

Oh will you brothers please shut the fuck up and grow a pair.

Yeah, I'm talking to you.

Steve, Jimi, Baisden and all the rest of you over 40 year old divorced/"used to live with a woman" whiners... may I offer you a big fucking plate of neck swivel and a piping hot side of teeth suck, all washed down with a big glass of "HOSITDOWN".

If I see one more bound in paperback "reason why black women are single" load of bitch-ass whinery, I'm going to slap somebody upside their head. (You know which hand. The one with the rings on it. )

Now, the reasons that are usually cited (in my highly unscientific and fed-the-fuck-up opinion) as to why black women can't seem to find a man are the following:

1. There aren't enough available black men to go around (in regards to numbers.)
2. We're too picky and have fantasies about "having it all".
3. They're gay.
4. We don't know "how to act".

There may be more, but I'm not writing a book. Just a Facebook note. I'd probably write one, but I never divorced a man or been a BM so I'm not quite that bitter yet. I just shook the one I was engaged to for cheating.





...But I digress.

Let's take a look at these four common reasons and if we need to go deeper in another note...come on Muthafucka. Let's go.


Mmmm. That's what I'm talkin' bout.



REASON #1

There aren't enough available black men to go around (in regards to numbers.)

- This is true. There are 1.8 million more black women in the US than black men.
So even if every black woman married every black man, one out of 12 would be assed out.
So there's that. But that still leaves 11 of us with a great shot, right? Wrong.

Fucking.

Wrong.

According to a study of marriage by race in the US,
Asian-Americans are #1 when it comes to marriage.
#2 European-Americans.
#3 Latino-Americans.

Coming up dead last are...you guessed it! Black folk.

And please remember. Tradition is, men have to ask women. Not the other way around. So cut the bullshit.

REASON #2

We're too picky and have fantasies of "having it all".

….Mmmhmm.

According to ABC News, out of 100 black men: By the time you eliminate those without a high school diploma (21 percent), the unemployed (17 percent) and those ages 25-34 who are incarcerated (8 percent), you have only half of black men, 54 percent, whom many black women find acceptable."

So…

YOU DAMN RIGHT! HOW in the hell is THIS picky?

I don't want a man who is in jail, unemployed or uneducated...and that's picky? C'mon SON! You failed at being a man...a provider, protector and HNIC and WE'RE the ones who are wrong for putting you in the reject pile? YOU chose to sling rock. YOU chose to sit on your ass and watch Sports Center all day instead of getting that 9-5. YOU chose to skip school altogether and "be a man" class. That's your mirror dude. Not mine.

Oh wait. We didn't even factor in the 10% who are gay (The ultra-fabulous REASON #3)....so that brings the numbers down even more to 44%.

90 women (taking down the 10% for lesbians) for 44 men.

Yeah. That makes things kind of hard.

BUT ...let's say that you actually beat the odds.

You kept yourself up.
You got on Kanye's workout plan, got your own paper, made you the best you EVER and, no matter how many articles you read in Essence saying it's OK to be Sanaa Lathan in "Something New"...you held out to be Sanaa Lathan in "Brown Sugar".

OK. So now that we've whittled it down to that 44%.… let's take on the last bitch-ass reason.

4. We don't know "how to act". Meaning ..."black women are too difficult" or whatever the fuck.

(Really? Have you SEEN an Italian or Puerto Rican woman lose her shit? Sorry..I digress.)

To this...I give you a hearty, and deep from inside my SOUL...HEAVY SIGH.


Listen. The reason why black women don't act right is simple as hell. And you can go around the block to cross the street all you want, but there's one verrrrry simple truth why black women wild out. But you dudes keep ignoring it.

There’s a very real number who don’t know how to put that dumb shit away, grow the fuck up and act right.

It's as simple as that. Some of you mutherfuckers are worse than "Mr." in "The Color Purple".



Why are you questioning me about Shug leaving me bootie pics on my Facebook page? That was done years ago. Why are you so paranoid?



This is a BLACK woman you're talking to! Did you NOT grow up with a black woman? Are you kidding me? Do you not know us? Do we NOT know you? More importantly… you think we don't know each OTHER? Cut it out.

Boy meets girl. Girl reminds him of home. His mom. His home girl. She's got a fat (insert body part you really care about) and makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. And it's all good until....

Boy meets another girl. Girl reminds him of home. His mom. His home girl. She's got a fat (insert body part you really care about) and makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. And it's all good until...

Boy meets yet another girl. Girl reminds him of home. His mom. His home girl. She's got a fat (insert body part you really care about) and makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. And it's all good until...

Boy slips up and has to get HIS boy to try and cover for him because Boy covered for HIS boy back in the day and “Yo Son…your girl just saw me at a bar…you need another cover…my bad…”

UGGH!!!...who wants to deal with that shit? Seriously!

And I get it. It’s tempting. There's like...double of us out there and some of us are straight skanks and hunt down dudes like zombies going after Will Smith in "I Am Legend".


So where your woman at?


But the thing is... there's ALWAYS going to be somebody else. Always.
That girl from back in the day from 7th grade who just hit you up. That girl you didn't meet yet.
That bootie call you lost touch with that can suck a golf ball through a hose and never told.

Always.

But some can't seem to get their grown man on and so...we leave. Or make you want to. And there we go. Single. Again.

(And I'm not saying that there aren't any good brothers out there. There are. Really are. They are SOOO GOOD! I happen to be dating one and I shouted you guys out in a note last year. I know some dudes who are so good to their women they should get an award. And you know I'm not talking about ya'll so sitdown. :)

I'm talking to these silly writers and the rest of those dudes (some who I KNOW are just silly)…who didn't step up to the plate or refuse to grow up.
Look. I'm not going to get into what drove them to write their wittle hearts out and thus, try hard as shit to make themselves look faultless here... but hey. Whatever the reason was...I'm sure it was a good one.

But please don't forget that finding, developing, and nurturing relationships are hard work and it works both ways. Just as I don’t believe all men are dogs (far from…) all women are not always on the prowl for something bigger and better. HOWEVER, “Bigger and Better” finds us when they notice a chink in your armor. Especially if we're the shit ourselves. (Shit...let Hov slip up. See what happens.)

So please stop writing books about us pointing out how hard this shit is.

We're fully aware...thanks.

And those of us who are respectful, who are doing the damn thing on all levels, who are GENUINELY good-hearted women... are really fucking tired.

Enough already. Pull your pants up, grow the fuck up...do what you're SUPPOSED to do... or move on.

And I'm sure there's some low self-esteem zombie chick out there that is more than happy to deal with you coming at her with ...

"I'm a good brother, but I didn't move out yet, because of the kids."

or

"I'm a good brother, it's just a bitch finding a job."

or

"I'm a good brother I just sling this rock till I get my record deal."

or

"We'll get married...sooner or later. We've only been together for eight years. Why now?"

What. The. Fuck. Ever.

Albeit all of us may not agree, but I believe I speak for the majority of "women about some shit" when I say... we would rather live with some cats, and be comfortable with the knowledge that we've been the best women we knew how...and you couldn't man up.

And if my man don't like it, he can get the fuck out too. (Shoe throw...)



You missed me bitch.

;)