Do This Kinda Ish

Can I get an amen?

(Do you have any idea how my mother would have beat the black off me for something like this? Somebody CLEARLY has seen "UP" too many times...)

Hold Our Men Accountable

 

These are the men in my family. I won't shout them out, but here they are.
Young and old. Wise and stupid. Rich and poor.

And I love them. Truly do.

But right about now, I'd like take each one in an interrogation room, and beat the shit out of them with a phonebook.

(DAMN NYE...what's with all the hostility?)


Well, let me tell you a little story.

My nephew CJ was just stabbed a couple of weeks ago.

Yes. As in... with a knife. Plunged into his body four times by some other black boy that wanted him dead.

For what?

It all boils down to... somebody's pride/feelings got hurt. Yup. This bitch wanted to end my nephew because of some feelings.


And since this happened, I've waited for the men in my family to stand up. You know...go get that young brother (nephew) stand in front of him, chest heaving, black man to black man ... and punch him dead in the chest till the shit is scared out of him, warning him that if he doesn't get his shit together, he's either going to die or go to jail.
And we may be the ones to put him there. Because if we don't, somebody in the street will.

Because that's the truth.


So I waited. And I waited. And waited some more.

You can guess what happened.

NOPE. Not a one of them has stepped up to the plate. Not. A. One.



Why is it that only black women seem to subscribe to "It takes a village to raise a child?". When we all chip in, borrow each other’s EBT cards and take turns babysitting, why do black men get a free pass?
Why in the hell do we let them off the hook?

It's our fault. ("Our" meaning "The women in my family".)

It's our fault because we don't hold our men to a higher standard. Period.


Recently, I ended the third chance (you read right... THIRD) chance I gave a dude I dated.

Now, according to everything that my mother, Aretha Franklin, and the black woman code of "Oh no that mutherfucker didn't!" says, he shouldn't have gotten chance-the-first. But... he pulled the card.

What card Nyree?

Lets see..

Bad father figure
Single parent household
Good boy gone bad...
Traumatic event
I Got Big Dreams And I Need A Woman To Believe In Me

And the next thing I knew, I was home singing Badu's "Otherside Of The Game"... "which is the craziest "oh please excuse him...he's got it hard because he's black." song ever made.

And I call bullshit.

Do you remember the song?

She's pregnant, dude has a college education and he's slinging rock and she's worried about "Me and baby got this situation...see brother got this complex occupation..."

(Eye-roll...)

Now here's the question. Why in the hell would you not tell this dude to get his shit together? WHY??

Instead of telling him "HEY..Get a real JOB...,” we tell him...

"See I ain't trying to run your life...but I want you to do what's right..."


Now, one day, while thinking about my own dysfunctional fucked up situation, I'm listening to this song, and I'm thinking... wait a minute.

Why in the hell didn't she just tell him to get his shit together?
Why didn't I TELL HIM to get his shit together?

Here's my theory...

We feel bad about what happened.
(You know. Slavery and that whole "emasculation" thing.)

So we coddled and spoiled the shit out of them.

We feel awful that they had to stand by, and watch us take over our families, and survive and take the roles from them that they couldn't possibly fill thanks to the situation they were placed in.
And we never forgave them for "letting" it happen.

Or let them forget it.

I simply can't imagine the pain and humiliation black men must have suffered for generations, living in a world that wouldn't allow them the self-respect and honor of being a man.

And not only should we consider the disrespect they felt from those in power for over 500 years, but from US. (As in “black women”.)

"Nigga, you ain't shit."
"I can do bad by myself."
"I don't need a man."
"Ain't nothing going on but the rent..."
"What have you done for me lately..."
"Don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable...'


And in turn, the best defense is a good offense...

"Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks"
"Money, hoes and clothes, all a nigga knows.."
"I ain't saying she a gold-digger, but she ain't messin' with no broke nigga.."


(Ouch. My head hurts.0

I sat for a while and meditated on this and when I came back, the answer was there. ... and simple.

Forgiveness.

Easy. Quiet. Forgiveness.

Let me explain...

Black women, we have to forgive black men for not being there for us the way we need them to be.

They COULDN'T. Period. They COULDN'T. Forgive that.

Black men, you have to forgive us for doing whatever it took to preserve the race. We had no choice.

Forgive us.

And with that forgiveness, know we are more than ready to give the reigns back.

In the face of a new world, a black man in the White House...guess what? The ride is over.

Let me be the first to say...(tap into the mic... is this thing on? Can you hear me? Good.)

"YOU NO LONGER HAVE A FREE PASS. WE ARE THROUGH. STEP THE FUCK UP." ... love, Black Women.

Let's take a look at our excuses again...

Bad father figure - What the fuck ever...so did...umm... THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!
Single parent household - Uh...DITTO
Good boy gone bad... - The President has "blunt lips". He still smokes Newports. Seriously.
Traumatic event... - Both parents dead. Rev. Wright. Bill Ayers. Need I go on?
I Got Big Dreams And I Need A Woman To Believe In Me ... - Michelle. Muthafucking. Obama.



Now, as for my nephew... (sigh) I don't know ya'll.

I got some info from Job Corps, but I know that all the pamphlets and brochures in the world won't fill in for his father bringing his ass up here from his nice, warm home in Maryland to save his son who, only a few weeks ago, was two inches away from being six feet under.

And that's where the rest of the men in my family come in.

We women can't do it. And you know we can't. It's different coming from us. And you know what I mean.

So I'm not asking you. I'm not begging you.

I'm DEMANDING that you take your rightful place in this family. Step up and be men.

We gladly will let you.

Frankly, we're tired of the job.

Really tired.



And to quote Jill Scott... "The Fact Is...We Need You."